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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24353155">afterlife</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura'>misura</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dreams and Nightmares, Guilt, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:01:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>550</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24353155</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"You never came back for me."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kaz Brekker/Jordie Rietveld</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Hurt Comfort Exchange 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>afterlife</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/wholeyolk/gifts">wholeyolk</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You never came back for me," Jordie says, looking sad and hurt and grown up in a way Kaz knows can't be real, just like he knows none of this is real, <i>Jordie</i> isn't real.</p>
<p>"Your own brother," - and oh, that's what Dirtyhands would do, isn't it? Ther person Kaz has become now, the person this city has forced Kaz to become, he wouldn't hesitate to leave anyone behind, not even his big brother.</p>
<p>Dirtyhands doesn't have a big brother. Dirtyhands only has tools, people to do his bidding, people he can use and people who are useless.</p>
<p>(It must be nice to have faith, Kaz thinks, with the cold part of his mind that knows he's dreaming. Like Inej with her Saints: a higher power you can bribe and cajole into interfering on your behalf, into reassuring you that you have been forgiven.)</p>
<p>(But Kaz, Dirtyhands, doesn't have faith in anyone but himself, his own skills, his own plans.)</p>
<p>"You were dead," he tells Jordie. Kaz knows this is true.</p>
<p>Dirtyhands knows at least a dozen schemes to convince a mark their long-lost relative is still alive and standing right in front of them. Played right, it can be one of the most profitable long cons: risky, but very profitable if you can pull it off.</p>
<p>"They thought you were dead, too." Jordie sounds reasonable, logical - and Kaz knows that this is the part where you slip in the hook, where even if the mark doesn't believe yet, they'll start to doubt, to wonder if maybe it can be true after all, because they want it to be true so very badly.</p>
<p>Jordie looks at him, head cocked to the side. "Are you dead, Kaz?"</p>
<p>Kaz wants to say that he isn't, but that Jordie is. He remembers the coldness of Jordie's body, the clamminess of all the other dead bodies around him on the barge, around him and under him and on top of him. He remembers how helpless he felt, unable to do anything but survive, to keep breathing.</p>
<p>Jordie smiles at him a little sadly and then he steps closer, close enough to touch, and Kaz knows he's lost, just like he always lost when it came to Jordie - all these months of planning and plotting, and here he is, still so far away from getting Pekka Rollins to even know who he is that it's laughable.</p>
<p>"You don't feel dead," Jordie tells Kaz, his hands warm and sure on Kaz's shirt, in a way they weren't, before, that first time. Kaz remembers being nervous and Jordie being nervous, too, and how they both laughed about that a little, because it was silly, wasn't it, the two of them both getting all anxious when they both wanted this, when they loved each other so much, more than they could ever love anyone else in the world.</p>
<p>Kaz doesn't want to say, "Neither do you," but he does, and Jordie laughs and kisses him, warm and alive and happy, like he's forgiven Kaz for abandoning him, for living, and Kaz lets himself believe it, allows himself to act like a mark instead of -</p>
<p> </p>
<p>("Bad dream?" Jesper asks, only sounding half-serious, and Kaz gives him a look cold enough to make Jesper blanch and back away, hands raised.)</p>
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